Home Secretary Theresa May declared yesterday that she wants to get to the heart of the problems in society today by bringing families back together. May believes that the use of sex toys between married couples will keep men happy with their wives and make them less likely to stray, keeping the family unit together. Giving sex toys for wedding presents should be actively promoted for the sake of Britain’s future.
Theresa has long believed that going back to traditional family values would solve many problems in the UK and that Women should take a backseat role and be more supportive to their husbands. “I am all for women staying at home and being proper wives to their husbands” says May “If we all put a bit more effort into wearing lipstick, looking attractive and being ready and willing to satisfy our Husbands sexual needs we can get the country back on track.”
In a controversial move May has approached opposing Party member Jacqui Smith in a bid to bring the Parties together on such a serious Home issue. Blair Babe Smith is earmarked to head up a new team campaigning for the traditional stay at home wife and advise on how she should stop her husband from staying the nest. Smith as specially selected for her exemplary marriage of 30 years. Smith also has the belief that women shouldn’t take prominent roles in business as it will not leave enough time to visit the hairdressers or cook dinner.
A leaflet is currently in production to be distributed to every couple registering to tie the knot from September 2011. The leaflet title “Save your marriage with sex toys” will contain detailed explanations on how to use couples cock rings, strap-ons and erotic fantasy dress-up outfits. It is believed the use of vibrators is not to be promoted as they might encourage women to be sexually active without their husbands.
Above: The new recommended housework uniform to keep husbands at home
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